knitting

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14

We are scheduled for another check up on baby in a couple of days. I have a special test scheduled this time round; it's a new one - I don't think they had it yet during my earlier two pregnancies. Basically we'll be able to do an earlier and more accurate screening for Down's. I wouldn't think anything about it, except we've travelled down this road before, and it turned out to be curvier than expected.

We didn't clear the Down's screening during my pregnancy with E. It was just a screening, so it doesn't definitively tell you whether or not your baby has Down's, but the risk assessed with her was higher than normal. Enough for my doctor to recommend an amniocentesis. We were travelling in Thailand when I got the call from the doctor's office. It sent us straight to our knees.

In the end, we decided not to go with the amniocentesis. We prayed that the baby would be healthy. We also prayed for strength and grace to deal with a not completely healthy baby, if she was indeed sick. I worried. And then worried some more. We had always thought of Emma as a possible name for our baby girl. What clinched it for us was finding out that one of the meanings for Emma was "whole, complete". We claimed that for her. And praise God, she was born healthy. (Three years down the road, I can also say spunky, with a strong backbone!)


We've been praying for a healthy baby this time round too. Every night before the older two sleep, we say prayers with them, and they've taken to praying for the baby. I love hearing their little voices say, "Please God, pray for new baby."

As I go in for the test on Thursday, I am just a little nervous. But I'll be holding on to the hand of Jesus.

a leap, and someone to hold my hand

Today I took a leap in church. And took one big step out of my comfort zone.

And who am I, that God was mindful of me? Once again, I am amazed by how He knew my anxieties, my discomfort. And so He sent a wise woman, someone I respect greatly, barely ten minutes after I took that leap, to confirm that it was the right step, to give me welcome advice, and to gently prod me along. It was a conversation that God truly directed; both of us started out not even knowing how He would guide our words. But guide He did, and I know I was blessed for it.

Who am I, that God was mindful of me?

Sunday

not so baby steps

In more recent news, Noah now...

1. has decided that baby food is no longer for him. He completely rejects porridge if I cook it for him, and will only eat when I feed him what the older two kids eat. He now holds the record for weaning himself off baby food the earliest.

2. is sleeping through the night. (*crossing fingers as I type this*) I am looking forward to enjoying a few months of sleeping properly, before the new baby arrives and turns my world upside down again.

3. has a bit of a weird nap schedule. If he takes a good solid morning nap, then his afternoon is short, and hence to my mind, pathetic. But he cannot yet go without a morning nap. He passes out by about midday at the latest.

4. is walking! Keeping to our tradition of having fairly early walkers, he took his first step last month (both J and E took their first step around 10 months as well), and now can go about six or seven steps unaided. We got him new shoes today. If he's in a hurry, he'll still crawl though. No time to waste, especially when he sees someone holding a bowl of food.

5. is clapping. His newest trick. So cute to see the look of delight on his face the first time he did it.

6. is a climber. His favourite way of scaring me is to clamber up onto the sofa and then laugh cheekily when I lunge to catch him.

Yes, he's been busy.

Sunday

Sunday

new life

There is something miraculous in seeing a heart beat, when just a few weeks ago, there was none.

A few weeks ago, we found out that we are expecting. Our. Fourth. Child.

It took us a couple of weeks to just get over the shock. And while we were excited and thankful for the blessing, this time round it was also tinged with some apprehension. Four kids running rings around me. And then, there was the CMV to worry about.

We had our first doctor's appointment today. I am just about 8 weeks along now, and baby number 4 is due around the last week of September. We watched the little heart beat on the ultrasound, steadily, regularly. There is nothing quite like seeing it for the first time. I was in awe of it. (We have already promised the older kids that they'll get to come with me to the doctor in a few months' time, so they get to see the baby on the "doctor's machine". Josh said, kind of like an x-ray, right, Mom?)

Last year, around the time that we felt called to adoption, one thing that held me back initially was thinking that I would not be pregnant again. We had assumed that we would conceive our third child biologically. And I thought, if I had known that my second pregnancy would be my last, I would have treasured it more, savored it more. But God's call to us to adopt was so clear, that we felt we had to obey. So I gave that up, a little sadly.

Now here we are. Being given more than we asked for. Blessed beyond what we imagined for ourselves.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21

go tell it on the mountain

We are learning that the most serious and interesting conversations we have with the kids happen in the car.

Close to our home is a little Chinese temple. As we were driving home yesterday night, we saw a little bonfire right outside it. It piqued J's interest.

That led to a conversation about how there are lots of people in Singapore who aren't Christians. I suppose it's a little hard for him to get that. We talked about how people sometimes believe in different things, and how not everyone knows Jesus Christ, how our jobs as Christians is to tell others about Christ.

To which J says, I tell my friends at school. But they don't believe me.

We can't make them believe, I tell him. It's enough for us to tell them about Jesus.

And then he says, Mommy, God is sad when they don't believe him. And I make God happy because I believe him, right?

in sweet company

In Sweet Company

We sit together and I tell you things,
Silent, unborn, naked things
That only my God has heard me say,
You do not cluck your tongue at me
Or roll your eyes
Or split my heart into a thousand thousand pieces
With words that have little to do with me.
You do not turn away because you cannot bear to see
Your own unclaimed light shining in my eyes.
You stay with me in the dark,
You urge me into being.
You make room in your heart for my voice.
You rejoice in my joy.
And through it all, you stand unbound
By everything but the still, small Voice within you.
I see my future Self in you
Just enough to risk
Moving beyond the familiar,
Just enough to leave
The familiar in the past where it belongs.
I breathe you in and I breathe you out
In one luxurious and contented sigh.
In sweet company
I am home at last

---- Margaret Wolff

my three-year-old girl

Emma has been anticipating this for days! She was all excited about having cupcakes in school with her friends, having goodie bags to give out, and then having a princess cake at home. Sunday was spent baking what felt like a million cupcakes, and there was a minor crisis on Monday morning when I thought there wouldn't be enough frosting. But it turned out to be enough in the end, so it was all good!

This is Emma's birthday in pictures.

My little girl is getting less little. We are so proud of her, and we love her so.

Oh, what turned out to be an unexpected highlight: Josh managed to say grace for all of us, grandparents included, before we started on dinner. We were so proud of him too.