fear

If you make the Most High your dwelling--
even the LORD, who is my refuge--
then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.

Psalm 91:9-16

Two Saturdays ago, K pointed something out to me that I had not thought about before. Noah's CMV makes it a little tricky if I should get pregnant again. The worst time to get CMV really is when you're pregnant, because you'd pass it on to the foetus, and the virus could affect its physical development. Because we're pretty sure Noah caught the virus in utero, we were, just weeks ago, quite worried about how his development would be affected.

My hands are full right now with the three kids, and we are not planning to get pregnant. But that conversation with K, when we talked about not getting pregnant anymore made me sad. Just because we felt we had to close that option off.

The next day, something in me rallied. I thought, living in fear is no way to live. And the sermon we listened to that Sunday was on Psalm 91. What I heard: Do not fear.

We were fearful of how the virus would affect us. But God reminded us that He has our back. He always had it. He brought Noah into our lives. And this may be it for us - three kids is plenty! But if He does give us more, fully healthy or not, it will be His plan for us, for our family.