Sunday

five months old

He flips, tummy to back and back to tummy.

He's great at scooting around his cot.

He's still a toy to J and E. J loves squeezing him. E is not sure what to make of him at times. On one hand, she's so great with him: stroking his face, cooing at him in her special high-pitched baby voice, wanting mom, and only mom, to carry him. But on the other hand, if mom's hands are filled with Noah, then how will mom carry her? Conundrum.

He's not at all keen on mom slinging him, unlike his two older siblings. He wants to be carried facing forward, so that he can take in the world.

He had his first taste of rice cereal and apples yesterday.

He sleeps a good eight-hour long stretch at night, which still astounds mom.

He now cries to be carried when mom puts him down for his nap or bedtime. Trouble is, he doesn't fall asleep when she picks him up! So down back on his cot he goes - he cries for just a couple of minutes though.

He is a talker. He has conversations with his cot bumper and his mobile regularly.

He is most generous with his smiles. Charmer.

He does not complain about being in his stroller which is also a new experience for mom.

He is finding his "grabbing" hands. When he first came, he never ever reached for toys that were put in front of him. He's learning to now.

pass

Noah cleared both his hearing and eye tests this week. He's okay for now.

Statistically he has a 5-15% chance of developing disabilities later on. So we need to be watchful, just to be able to catch any hearing or vision loss as soon as we can. We continue to cover him in prayer, that he will not develop any symptoms.

He turns five months old tomorrow!

Sunday

Hold on to Jesus

Steven Curtis Chapman

I have come to this ocean
And the waves of fear are starting to grow
The doubts and questions are rising with the tide
So I'm clinging to the one sure thing I know

I will hold on to the hand of my Savior
And I will hold on with all my might
I will hold loosely to things that are fleeting
And hold on to Jesus
I will hold on to Jesus for life

I've tried to hold many treasures
They just keep slipping through my fingers like sand
But there's one treasure that means more than breath itself
So I'm clinging to it with everything I am

Like a child holding on to a promise
I will cling to His word and believe
As I press on to take hold of that
for which Christ Jesus took hold of me

Hold on for life

You can hear it here.

We have Noah's hearing test on Tuesday and his eyesight test on Wednesday. Whether he clears those tests or not, we are holding on to Jesus. Whether he clears the tests or not, we will rejoice that God is with us, with him. And whether he clear the tests or not, we are thankful for all our children.

The best shot I have of all three.
It is impossible, getting all of them to look at the camera at the same time!

secret whisper

How much do I love it, that as I'm sitting down in cell group, J sneaks over to me and whispers, "Mom, I have a secret to tell you." Then he whispers right into my ear, "I love you."

It is for moments like these.

good news

Noah's CT scan came back with no abnormalities! His pediatrician says that's good news!

We are past one hurdle. Next week, we have his hearing and vision test scheduled. One hurdle at a time.

Otherwise he seems to be doing really well. His doctor says that he's a little on the small side, but he's feeding okay. He puts up with rough displays of affection from his two older siblings - quite the trooper.

In other news, J came back home from school singing an S Club 7 song yesterday: "... individuality... Don't stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach for the top". Complete with dance moves. Cracked us up. Over and over again. Once again, I am reminded on how fast he's growing up.

This morning he declared, "I'm okay with school." There's an answer to prayer right there!

Sunday

The LORD delights in those who fear him,

who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Psalm 147:11

This is how I know God's love: because our church family here and in Claremont are covering us with prayer. I am more grateful than I can say.

J and E with their Sunday school buddies

curveball

Yesterday, the path we are on took a turn that we did not foresee. I am still trying to catch my breath.

Noah's test results came back from the doctor. He has been diagnosed with cytomegalovirus (CMV), probably contracted in utero.

Best case scenario - he presents no symptoms. Right now, we are here. But in the worst case scenario, he may eventually suffer hearing loss, visual loss or developmental disabilities.

His pediatrician has ordered up a bunch of tests for his hearing and vision, and a brain scan to make sure there are no cysts. We managed to get him scheduled for a CT scan today, and praise God, there are no abnormalities.

I still feel like I am standing on shaky ground. Even if he does not present any symptoms now, there is always a chance that the hearing or visual loss, or developmental disabilities could come later.

I am trying to be open to what God is saying to me or asking of me. Here's what I have so far. I am to love Noah, fearlessly and furiously. We are to fight for him: he has no one else who will. I am to hold on to God, to touch the cloak of Jesus each day, each moment when I feel the ground beneath my feet shaking.

I always have the iPod plugged in whenever I'm driving. Sometimes, I've noticed, a song will catch my attention, make me stop and strain to hear all the lyrics, even if it is a song I've heard before. That's when I start to press the buttons on the dial furiously, because I need to figure out the name of the song. A few days ago, before we received Noah's test results back, it was this:

Safe and Sound - MercyMe

No more boarding up my windows
So that I can lay low
Nobody's home
No more trying to run away from
Tired of being afraid of
What I can't control
The hardest part I'm always told
Is letting go

Safe and sound
Knowing that You're big enough to
Wrap around my heart completely
Safe and sound
Just knowing that You know me

I can finally set my heart free
Lost within the mystery
Of this Love I've found
There is nothing that can pull me
From the hand that holds me
I'm safe and sound

The hardest part I'm always told
Is letting go

The greatest part I now know
Is letting go

At the time, it was just a song with a beautiful melody. In the wake of yesterday, it is so so much more. It is God's reminder that we are safe and sound; that Noah is safe and sound, no matter what lies ahead. Because He is big enough to wrap around our hearts completely.

This has been the hardest post for me to write so far. We would love it if you would keep us in prayer, specifically that God may keep Noah's vision, hearing and brain untouched by the virus.

recognition

Each and every time he wakes up and sees me, he gives me a smile that melts my heart.

Do you think he recognises me already?

Because I like to think that he does.

It is the little things that I have taken for granted. It was the most natural thing for J and E to know me, to want me, to attach to me. I didn't even have to think about it.

But it's something that Noah will have to learn.

In his experience, he's had to fend for himself, soothe himself. Now he'll have to learn that he can rely on us. That we are here to soothe him. That we will be here each time he wakes up and opens his eyes. That we will always be his mom and dad.