standing at the edge

Noah comes home in about three weeks' time.

We've been praying and preparing for this for a while now; we only have to apply and wait for his Dependent's Pass and then he'll be here. Home with us.

Even at this point, I in my weakness wonder what I'm getting myself into. How we will all adapt to have a new baby in the house. Getting used to bottle-feeding, which two children on, is still completely new to me. Waking up at night for feedings. Hustling three kids, instead of just two kids now, out of the house in the mornings, and herding three kids back into the house after school. Managing meal-times, bath-times and settling-down-for-nap-times with three!

And then there's how J and E will be toward Noah. They're incredibly excited now, but I wonder if the novelty will quickly wear itself out and if they'll start acting up.

And then there's me. I want to love Noah exactly the same way that I love J and E. But I carried them for nine months inside me. Even before I met them, I felt them within. And I worked hard through labour to be able to hold them and love them. It is all different with Noah, and because it is different, I am not quite sure what lies ahead.

Our pastor spoke from 1 Joshua yesterday at church. After Moses' death, the Israelites stood at the edge of their promised land. They had been here before, only they had been too afraid before, and instead of stepping forward, they held back and so wandered the desert for forty years. As they stand there, the Lord tells Joshua, "Be strong and courageous." To make sure it sank in, He said it three times.

I am standing at the edge now, just before this land that God has led us to. We can't quite see all of the land that lies before us. We're not quite sure of what lies in the hidden valleys. We don't know yet what sort of fruit the land will bear.

But God knows all this. And yesterday, He reminded me, "Be strong and courageous... for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."