fighting back

The attack came a few hours just after I put up the last post on the blog.

It is hard to explain it now what happened. It simply felt like I was overtaken by despair, so soon after I had felt hope again.

Sometimes the enemy whispers lies in our ears that are so loud, so persistent, that the truth is drowned out, and it becomes hard to hear anything else. I struggled to cling to what I know to be true. In that moment though, I felt like I was fighting a losing battle, and my heart was deep in despair.

That night, I fell asleep in tears, whispering to God, "I am not strong enough for this. Please let this cup be taken from me."

The next day I woke up still heavily weighed down. But a new morning brought new mercies. My mercy that morning was a simple one: a realization that I could not fight this alone. My arms were wearied from being held up. So I asked a couple of close friends to pray for me. I knew K was praying already.

It helped.

Hard to explain how. But the battle we fight is a spiritual one, one we cannot see with our human eyes. And I draw comfort from knowing that God knows my struggle, and He hears my plea for help.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12